But today was THE day! I woke up to a sadness. Tearfully getting through the morning preparations. Breakfast cooked. Lunches prepared. Backpacks ready. Rooms picked up. Inspection of hair/teeth.
Everything was ready to go....everything but this Momma! I went to my room to gather my items to leave and broke down in tears. How could I send them to school? I would miss them. Miss the chaos that had grown all too familiar. Miss the impromptu hugs and kisses. Miss the giggles.
It took me 20 minutes to get myself together and a few conversations with my hubby before I felt I could walk out the door. I head back to the living room to them anxiously awaiting me. I said "Ya'll ready?" They all reply in unison "YES!" Then sweet Ava Jo says "Wait we need to share something positive about each other before we go." Rikki Rae giggles and reminds her "We have done that twice let's go already." So we loaded up and headed to the school house. The kids were chattering away in the car unaware of the tears rolling down my face.
We pull up and park. We all just sit there. I think they were as nervous as I was or maybe they were aware of what a hard time Momma was having. I wanted to take these last few minutes and fill them with love! So I shared how smart, beautiful, and kind they were. I shared how God had great things planned for them. I prayed over them.
I pulled the door handle and the cold air of the morning and the harsh reality this was REALLY going to happen hit me. I held back the tears and the kids jogged ahead of me.
The school is expecting us and we are taken to their rooms. The teachers were nice, the kids smiling in their classes, and each one gave me a hug. I saw a dear friend who hugged me knowing it was a hard morning.
I met with the nurse to cover Jayden's allergies and the counselor to share about Ava Jo's tender heart. I got my sign for the pick up line and I walked out of the school. I sat in my car and cried. I know you think this is silly. I mean EVERYBODY goes to school. They cannot stay with me forever. But I cried...big crocodile tears. And this is why I cried....
Will they know that Rikki Rae's toughness is really a cover for a sweet gentle child? Will they notice her brown skin turn pink when she is upset or embarrassed? Will they recognize her sentences get short and choppy when upset? Will they mistake her not understanding a topic as her just being shy or quiet? Will they be able to realize she will miss her sister Ava Jo ...Her twin since she was 6 months old?
Will they hug Ava Jo? She really likes to hug. Will they not have the time to give her the extra attention she craves? Will they embrace her creativity or dismiss it as childish? Will they see her tears as dramatics or take the time to find out why she is hurting? Will they know she will miss her sister who has always been her biggest fan (and foe)?
Will they learn and know the face Jayden makes when he is overwhelmed? Will they know that his eye get really big when he is trying to understand? Will they see his cheeks get red and know he is embarrassed? Will they help him find his voice (he has lots of siblings and sometimes just goes with the flow)? Will they recognize he is smart just takes extra time to catch on?
All of those questions is why it was so hard to drive away. I don't know the answer. I will never know the answer. But I know God does. God is in that schoolhouse. God is in my children's heart. He will fill the gap that might be left. He will comfort, He will calm, He will encourage, and He will protect. He will do all the things I want to do but can't. He will do them all in his PERFECT and COMPLETE way.
My job as mother and child of God is TRUST him. Trust him with the most precious things I have my children.
So moms be encouraged. We cannot always be with our children but God is and always will be. maybe sending them off to school isn't that difficult for you. Maybe it is allowing them to grow up? Or make their own decisions? Whatever it is take heart that God has them in his hands and nothing can change God's will or sovereignty.
