Yes. I know what you are thinking. Really? Yes really.
So all that chatter of trusting God...letting go and letting God was just some wishy washy emotional rambling. No not ramblings or chatter but heartfelt dependence on God. We committed 100% to trusting God with this decision. But we got it wrong...at least for us.
Over the course of 6 weeks we watched our confident, happy, fun loving kids shift to tempermental, moody and burned out kids. School for them was truly draining every bit of the identity I had worked hard for them to recognize. John felt the decision was wrong after the first week. Hours of homework, stressful assignments, and kids who felt defeated. But we continued on, determined to use this situation to help our kids (and us) to be dependent on God. To not fret and worry but understand God is in the details. We were committed until a couple of things happened.
The first was my attendance at their Valentine party. I observed my confident, natural born leader sit meekly and basically not interact with others much at all. And no this was not normal for her. She is socialized. Sports and church activities has her around others her age frequently. She is always confident but not in that school.
The second was watching my kids literally have a fist fight as we get in the car to go to church. You ask about what. Wait for it...it is a good one. A bible. Yes the fist fight was over the fact that one had a Bible the other one says was hers.
As I sat through the service, my heart was heavy. My thoughts consumed with how I was teaching my children to know Christ. And then a friend said..."Are we raising our kids in church or raising them in Christ?" That hit home for me. I want to raise my children in Christ but didn't feel I was doing that. I knew almost immediately the decision we needed to make.
Now I am not saying that you cannot raise your children in Christ if they attend public school or a private school, or whatever school structure you choose. But what I am saying is that my children were not thriving in public school despite loving, caring and competent teachers. My kids were changing and not how I wanted. My kids were more distant and the busyness of school work and long hours away from home were just not working for us. So we are transitioning again. Not out of fear but simply because we felt we had made a mistake.
So how does that happen? How do you think you hear God so clearly to then realize maybe not? First I need to say that I don't believe God makes mistakes. Every thing he does or allows to happen has a purpose. So the purpose in this you ask? To encourage and reaffirm that what I was doing was working and was good for my kids and my family. No we are not on track with the latest testing standards. Yes I am educating my children at a pace that allows them to truly learn and understand. Will they be ok? Absolutely. Will homeschooling be hard? Absolutely. Will there be days that I doubt our decisions? Absolutely. Will I trust in God's sovereignty? ABSOLUTELY!!
Jana
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