Live for the Chaos

Having a house full of kids there are certain problems that are just inevitable.  Many nights I will share with my husband how our kids are so destructive....or loud....or messy. He is constantly saying "It is just because there are so many of them."

I know this is true but man oh man do I wish that I could run my house like a boot camp.  Everything on a schedule.  Everything in place.  No room for off schedule interruptions.  Then I wake up from my daydreaming.  Let's face the reality of our lives as a parent.

There WILL be interruptions.
Appliances will break.
Items will be broken and need replaced.
Our kids will make poor choices.
You will be embarrassed.
Jobs will be lost.
Illnesses will happen.

But we MUST  live for the interruptions, crazy days, and troubles we will face.  In those moments we can impact the lives of our little humans the most. In those moments when things don't go our way we can show patience.  In the hectic hours we can show strength.  When everything falls apart we can show our faith.

I will be the first to admit that I lose sight of this.  Thankfully my husband and I make a great team.  We are able to remind the other of this when we have our own "moments".  So here are a few things we can do to help us remember and not get tossed around in life's daily chaos...

1.  Quiet Time:  Now I am not talking about a GNO or weekend getaway (I will have to blog later my views on those) but a true time when you shut out all the world.  A time when the sounds of the dishwasher, washing machine, and endless fighting/bickering/whining is silent.  A time when you can hear yourself breath.  A time when you can truly hear God's voice speaking to you.  Twill be honest some of my quiet time is simply sitting.  I do not read scripture or pray.  I sit quietly thinking about life.

2.  Laughter:  I LOVE to laugh and fortunately for me I have plenty to laugh at.  Whether it is the crazy stuff my kids attempt or my silly husbands jokes, I laugh....and a ton!  Just the other day I was watching my girls bicker more and more and behind the harsh words I could see that they truly were hurting each other.  So one night as just us girls were out for dinner,  I had them share something they loved about each other and something they did to make each other laugh.  Within minutes we were laughing and giggling.  The girls were thinking of happier moments with each other. The disagreements are inevitable but the memories and moments we focus on are impactful.

3. LET IT GO:  Seriously we are not in control.  Life moves along wth too many moving parts for us moms to control every detail.  So let it go.  Enjoy the ride.  Trust in God.  Most of us can recite Philippians 4:13 .

I can do all this through him who strengthens me.

But have you have you ever read the entire passage?

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4: 11-13

Although we use this scripture as a good luck chart or an insurance policy that we can do whatever it is we have set our mind on doing this is not the true meaning.  The meaning is that NO matter what you are facing you have confidence God will strengthen you to face whatever comes your way.  And THAT helps me face my day....each and every day!

Tough Question

If you have followed my blog long enough or read our story, you know we have been blessed with 7 amazing children through adoption.  What began as a calling to love those in foster care grew into what is my family now.  Two of our precious daughters look different than me.  Black or "brown skinned" as they like to refer to themselves.  I hate describing them in this way but in order to express my point I must.  You see I don't refer to our youngest as the brown eyed one or my middle son as the blue eyed one. So for me to refer to skin color seems ridiculous. (Moving on now)

We have always been open with discussions with the girls about adoption and how our family was formed.  It is hard to hide the fact they look different than us.  Funny thing they don't really recognize it.  I can tell you of several instances where one will say "I have Momma's eyes" or "I have Dad's nose"  And that is true for all of our kids. In fact as the years pass and those who don't know our adoption story will remark how one child favors us so.  We just giggle.

Recently our daughter was asked to complete forms to participate in a sport.  One of the questions was about her ethnicity.  She had selected "Other" and we told her she had to select "African American".  She was perplexed.  She responded as if she thought we were ALL African American.  We explained that it was only her and one of her sisters.  She was lost as to why.  I had to bluntly say because you have brown skin.  Her eyes burned with disbelief and she said "But I have never been to Africa and I was not born there so how can I be African American?"

Then there was silence.

How was I to respond?  What was my answer for that?  In that moment her innocence was apparent.  She was unaware of society's struggle.  The plight of those discriminated against.  In her world (our world) she was just like us.  Her skin may be a different color but that is no different than Dad having red hair and her having black hair or Mom's eyes being blue and hers being brown. She identified herself not by her skin color but by who she was with us and more importantly in Christ.

So where did that lead us?  What or how was I to respond?  Did we fail to open her eyes to the historical plight of slavery?  Did we allow our point of view and limited exposure to prejudice cloud our parenting?

Before you start shaking your head, we have shared about slavery in America and the world.  We have talked about how others judge you based on skin color, the type of house you live in, and what country you are from.  We have traveled with the girls outside of our local community and the US for that matter.

So where does that leave us?  Just where we are.  Our children growing and learning about the world around them.  Figuring who they are and what they stand for.  And what am I to do in the  midst of all of this?  Reflect with them about the world around them always pointing them to Christ for all their answers.  I don't know how to navigate through each of these situations but my faith in Christ allows me to feel confidently I am not navigating this alone.

Tears on Mother's Day

I cherish each of my children and I am thankful for God's blessing in my life through the good and the bad.  Mother's Day is a mixed bag for me.  Although there is joy and happiness there is also sadness and tears. I know you are thinking why would I be sad on a day that celebrates ME!

Whenever I consider the blessing of motherhood, I am faced with the harsh reality that my children's first mother may not enjoy the day.  My mind considers is her day one of longing to know about her children or to revel in past mistakes that brought her to her reality.  Is she at peace?  Does she know they have a wonderful mother who stepped in the gap? Yes I understand she made those choices in life but my heart breaks at the thought of her pain. I myself can list a dozen poor choices in my life and can only thank God for his grace and protection during those times.

My heart breaks for my children who are keenly away of the additional family and the barrier to see them.  As our oldest grew up a divide emerged.  When their two worlds collided together as they began to grabble with the reality of having birth parents and foster/adoptive parents added to the tough reality of growing up.  No one wins in this situation but everyone is left longing for more.  I know when we began this journey that time would be needed to heal.  My idea was a few years.  No where could I have imagined over 10 years and still fighting for healing.  No way I could have imagined the children I had chosen to adopt and love would walk away and not look back.  Loving me in the only way they know how but incomplete by most standards.

As I consider my blessings, I cannot help but to go back to a time where I struggled with infertility.  Those days with celebrations of mothers was almost too much.  So much so that I could barely find the joy and gratitude needed to celebrate my own mother.  Being blessed with children doesn't erase that pain and I know so many who are still longing for child.

So on this Mother's Day I am overwhelmed with joy at the reality I am a mother.  Something that with this crew I consider often.  But in the quiet moments my heart weeps at the pain.  So I hold on to love on this Mother's Day.

Love is patient; love is kind. Love is not jealous; is not proud; is not conceited; does not act foolishly; is not selfish; is not easily provoked to anger; keeps no record of wrongs; takes no pleasure in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.  1 Corinthians 13:4-7