A Loss for Words

As I sat down this week to write, I was at a loss.  I mean no words.  I had a whirlwind of thoughts but nothing that seemed worthy to write about.  It has been a tough week.  I had lots of emotional ups and downs. No reason really for the emotional roller coaster.  Just the usual happenings around this house.  There is never a dull moment.  Always something that we could complain about.  I mean we are not independently wealthy.  I don't have the fanciest cars or the newest fashion.   My kids are not perfect and they challenge my patience daily.   I struggle with figuring out how to live a life of worth.  I worry what I am NOT doing that I should.  But I have to tell the roller coaster to STOP and I have to get off the ride.  And sit.  Quietly.  And think.  When I sit down and think about my life I have many blessings and more than I deserve. So what gives!!!

I am human.  Prone to influences of the world around me.  Taken up in the drama of those around me.  Caught up in my insecurities.  Turning down the voice of God and listening to my own negative self-talk. So I get on the roller coaster from time to time.

O give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his mercy endures forever.   Psalm 107:1

So how do I get out of this rut.  Focusing on gratitude.  No matter how blah I feel.  How down I get. I still have SOMETHING to be grateful for I can find.

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.  1 Thessalonians 5:18

So in honor of my roller coaster week and the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.  I am going to give you my Top 5 Things I am Thankful.

1.  The Love of Christ

I cannot even express in words adequately how thankful I am for Christ's sacrifice for me...for us.  I mean how do you thank someone who sacrificed life so that you could live.

2.  Amazing Husband

Hunky Hubby sees me at my worst and my best and it never seems to phase him....well almost never.  I mean he really does.  He still shuffles across the house as I repeatedly call him from the other room to bring me the remote that is on the TV stand. and just grins.  He never gets tired of closing cabinet doors behind me even when he hits his head.  He is always up for one of my crazy craft projects that requires his skills to help finish.  God's character is evident in how he loves me and cherishes me.....and tolerates me.

3.  Laundry, Dishes, & Vacuuming

Your probably going okay this one is a little over the top.  But stop and think about it.  If I didn't have a house, dishes, cups, utensils, food, clothes, little people running in and out....I wouldn't have laundry, dishes and vacuuming.  So given the alternative I am thankful to wake up every day with a full day of cleaning and re-cleaning.  Now I have down-sized and we don't have extra clutter to cut down on the hours spent cleaning.

4.  Running

Okay those who really know me are likely laughing out loud right now.  I hate to run.  I am slow as molasses.  Actually I saw a Tshirt once that said it better.  "I run like a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter but I run."  Yep that's me.  BUT I am thankful I can run...however slow I do.  I am physically able to move!


5.  The Ability to Laugh & Cry

Life it tough but I have hope.  I can see the joy in things around me.  I can feel the pain of others.  I can FEEL!  In this digital age where we can play realistic games, create a network of friends we never actually speak to and could order everything we need online so we never literally have to leave our house, you can easily see how quickly we can become desensitized.  Never having to feel true emotion.  Simply stage the best photo op...create the best selfie....tweet or post about the fantastic life we create.  I am thankful that I have real relationships....real struggles....real pain.....and real joy!

This is the day that the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.       Psalm 118:24

So even in those days when I feel that life isn't fair and I have had enough I can sit and remember all the blessings in my life while we are Growing Up on Dublin Lane.







If you feel led to help support our mission, please visit http://www.givingbean.com/store/home.php?partner=3a5d0

Go!

Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.  Psalm 96:3

A passion of mine has always been missions.  Before kids Hunky Hubby and I were able to take several trips mission trips.  We loved being in the middle of a foreign land, with the locals, and working alongside missionaries and the local people on a project.

I was able to experience an amazing trip to Africa.  This a step of faith for us.  We had 3 kiddos at home and our newest addition was to be born just days before I left.  Well that didn't go as planned so I boarded a plan to fly halfway across the world knowing that my daughter would enter the world just days later.  One of the toughest decisions ever.  The only one I could be there from the first breath.  The only one that I could experience holding her and seeing her within minutes of being born.  I still am not sure how I was able to get on that plane.  But my strength is nothing compared to the idea of Hunky Hubby home with all the kiddos......managing a 12 year old, two 4 year olds, a 6 month old and a newborn!!!  Now granted he doesn't remember much of that week but everyone survived!

As an immature believer, I found the idea of "doing" God's work in a foreign land exciting.  Much more exciting than my boring work at home.  It was as if I thought less of the place God had me than of those in foreign missions.  I can still remember the exhilaration of the adventure and how I would return on fire for the Lord.  You know that feeling.  It is the same feeling you may have had after returning from youth camp.   Only problem with that feeling is it usually is short-lived.

I was guilty of thinking "that place" was a better place.  Oh look at what God is doing "over there".  Man why can't I have THAT ministry.

I know what you are thinking.  How UNGRATEFUL!  And you know what you are right.  I wasn't grateful.  I didn't recognize the amazing "mission" God had given me. We were licensed foster parents.  We were opening our homes to children in need of love.  We were living in a community (not very different than every community in the world) that needed to see what love truly was.  And I missed it.  I didn't see it.  I was too smitten with the idea of "doing God's work" that I missed out on DOING God's work.

How many times do we all get caught up in this thinking?  Too busy admiring others around us that we fail to see God's plan for our lives.  Too busy keeping up with the __________ (insert whoever!) we don't see how to impact our small part of the world.  Too busy day dreaming of running a huge faith based initiative that we forget to take that first step out our door.

That was me!  I felt such a yearning to do more.  To be more.  To do something. That I basically did nothing........ but dream. Stunted by the desire to be and do more that I did nothing.

As I searched for that "mission field" I so desperately wanted, I dived into scripture and tried to figure out what I was doing wrong.  I mean it had to be me right.  I mean why else would the God of the universe not be giving me what I wanted.  I mean it was biblical wasn't it.  I didn't want anything selfish....just the most amazing opportunity to satisfy me.

I am thankful for this time I spent yearning for more.  I can look back now and see how God has used this desire to draw me in closer to him.  My eyes were opened.  My heart was opened.  I was open.

So you already know, I don't have a world famous ministry.  We haven't sold all our possessions and moved to a far away land.  But God has given me a family of 7 that I am responsible to teach and show him the Lord's commandments.  God has placed us in a community where we can spend time with youth to develop relationships and share about Christ.  He gave me just what I needed to further HIS kingdom not my name....not my desires....not my wishes.....HIS KINGDOM!

Now I still love missions.  By God's provision earlier this year, a mission trip was possible with two of my daughters.  It was a wonderful opportunity to show the girls God's work in another part of the world.  I didn't go with the stars in my eyes like before.  I went humbled that God chose us to be a part of the bigger picture.  I came home grateful for the experience but ready to settle back into my "mission field".

By God's provision we hope to be able to take another trip in 2015.  Please say a prayer for us!  We still cannot see where or how this trip will happen but one thing we do know is that God can and will provide a way if he so chooses.   It isn't just about what I want is one more thing I am learning Growing Up on Dublin Lane.


If you feel led to help support our mission, please visit http://www.givingbean.com/store/home.php?partner=3a5d0

      

School Days

Well we have officially been "schooling" for 6 weeks!  Each day is a learning experience and I find myself learning more about myself and the kids every day. 

With all 5 at home all day ...and I mean ALL day I find myself exhausted by mid-afternoon.  Now don't get me wrong I love love love love love LOVE LOVE LOVE (just so we are clear LOVE) being home with the kids but I never quite appreciated the work involved in this endeavor.  Don't get me wrong I have never been afraid of hard work and I easily spent 60+ hours a week at the office when I was a "working" mom not to mention the late evening phone calls to handle any crises that occurred.  I juggled work and family and still managed to get the kids to various activities and keep a semi-clean house plus no everyone was feed.   But this is different.  And I realize I am different now.

I remember in my early days as a mom.  I wasn't a parent but a foster parent.  I was temporary.  I only had a finite number of days with "my" kids.  We didn't make plans for the future past THAT day.  I mean dealing with the trauma they had faced all we could do was get through the day and hope they felt our love.  To give them hope that life could be different.  To show them unconditional love.  To pray that their love for Jesus was greater than any love they had for me.  As we began moving into parenthood with our adoptions, we shifted.  I can see that now.  We were caught up in the whirlwind of life.

Plans for the future.

Dreams.

Hopes.

But I think we lost  focus along the way.  I lost focus along the way.

Chip Ingram says it best 

"Giving your children great opportunities is good; it is not, however, the goal of parenting.  Christlikeness is.  Above all, seek to raise children who look and act like Jesus."

Schooling for us is not just about teaching arithmetic and reading.  Creating a lesson plan and schedule and staying on "track".  This is much more.  We don't keep pushing through material to get to the goal set at the beginning of the day.  We don't have daily task lists or to do lists.  This is much different.

I cannot describe it better than a dear friend said this past week....I am in the business of discipleship.

No longer am I focusing on how successfully they master an academic skill or task.

No longer am I focusing on did they make the team for volleyball or basketball.

No longer am I focusing on college plans or career paths.

No longer am I trying to figure exactly how to ensure they are successful.

NOW I am focusing on so much more!  (And to all my educator friends we do still learn reading and math and many other wonderful academic subjects!)

After the Israelites failed to understand God's power, the older generation would never enter Canaan and the new generation would be the first to take this land.  In Deuteronomy, Moses teaches of God's faithfulness and redemption of Israel and provides a second reading of God's commandments.  He commands the Israelites ito teach the younger generation God's commandments.

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  Deuteronomy 6:7

The Israelites spent EVERY day EVERY moment teaching the younger generations about the mighty power of God and his commandments. Are we that different?  Are we past this now?  In the modern age is this no longer applicable?

God has shown we are NOT that different.  We are NOT past that.  It is is still VERY much applicable to us today.

So there is NOT a moment that I am not teaching my kids SOMETHING. But not just ANYTHING.  I am teaching them to be like Jesus....every opportunity I get (and even a few I create).

And that is how we are Growing Up on Dublin Lane.

131,487 Hours

This past week,  Hunky Hubby (my affectionate name for him) and I celebrated 15 years of marriage!  Wow!  I must admit I am proud of this feat!  15 years is a long time.  

180 months 

783 weeks

5478 days

131, 487 hours

Whew!  I am exhausted just thinking about!  

And what exactly did we do over those 15 years!

15 years of finding Hunky Hubby's clothes tossed at the end of the bed even though the hamper is just 2 steps away.

15 years of football/basketball/golf games and endless discussions of the next week's game strategy.

15 years of hearing that this is the year for a Washington Redskin's comeback!

15 years of watching and re-watching his favorite movies Rudy and Red Dawn (the original NOT the remake).

15 years of listening to stories of Dublin Lane and the Dublin Lane gang.

15 years of Hunky Hubby helping reach those high places in the pantry.

15 years of leading the way through crowds so I am not trampled (Being short really is a hazard!)

15 years of knowing we were made for each other despite our flaws and weaknesses.

But most of all 15 years of placing God first in our lives.


 15 years of placing ourselves second.  To hang up our own selfishness and think of each other first.  We chose to not follow our own desires and follow God's commands.  To tune out the world with all its bells and whistles and turn to each other.  


Well....maybe not every single one of the 131, 487 hours but at least enough that we survived the desert places in our life.  You know those places when you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Times when although you know God is there you feel like He is not listening or acting on your behalf.  Or maybe you don't feel His presence at all.  Times when you question "Is this really the way life should be?"

We have had a few over the last 15 years.  When we struggled with infertility for years.  A pain that still hasn't gone away completely.  When we opened our arms to children in foster care to be yelled at, hit, & spit on despite all the love we showed them.  The pain of a child feeling worthless and unloved and seeing them attempt or consider to end their life repeatedly.  The heartbreak of disciplining a child to only see them continue to run and eventually leave.  The despair over losing a child and letting go of them. That moment when we finally realized that no matter how much love we give a child sometimes it is just NOT enough erase all their pain.

And in those desert places... those dark moments we can only look to God's word to give us the encouragement needed to keep pressing forward.  Just a few of my favorite verses that have helped me along the way.  

Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure.  Psalm 147:5

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.  For as the heaves are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thought than your thoughts.  Isaiah 55:9

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6

I know each one of those painful experiences.  Times when I thought "WHY???" that God was shaping and molding me.  Teaching and lovingly correcting me.  Each situation looking back showed me a better way.  More patience.  More faith.  More love.  And just goes to show how I am Growing Up on Dublin Lane.