Enough

I have always dealt with an emptiness-a constant state of regret.  Moving through life feeling as if an opportunity was missed.  I had a great childhood with loving parents and extended family.  I have many fond memories with my cousins and friends.    Never considered the richest but blessed with all we needed and more. So what went wrong?  Why did my view of the world shift?  Why did I never feel enough?  I had plenty of accomplishments in life but they all seem to fall flat.

I haven't shared with many outside of my immediate family the events that occurred in the very beginnings of my memory.  And to protect my privacy (I know seems odd to say as I type a blog the entire world can read) I will not give details but will say these events created a feeling of shame and something was wrong with me at an early age.

So add to the normal teen angst,  feelings of shame and guilt and I walked through high school with a mask.  Rarely revealing who I really was inside.  Fearful to open up and let others see the real me.  And all the while feeling completely and totally isolated.  Oh I could talk a good game. And honestly I do have some great memories from those years. But I had an overwhelming feeling of never been good enough.

As the years passed and I moved into adulthood I began the pursuit of more.  More money.  More kids. More knowledge.  More acceptance.  Just more.  Attempting to fill the void I felt with stuff.  Sadly I was a regular church-going, Jesus-loving Christian.  But even my acceptance into Christ's family was affected by my perspective. I still attempted to perform well for others.

Then a huge shift happened.  My family began to unravel.  Difficulties in our home with our children.  Watching all the love we poured into our children end up not being enough sent me into a tailspin.  Everything I had done wasn't enough.  I felt defeated.  Broken down.  Everything seems futile.  This is when I finally realized what God has been trying to show me from the beginning.

God is enough.  Just him.  Nothing more is needed.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.    2 Corinthians 12:9

I have always had enough.  Enough grace.  Enough joy.  Enough love.  Enough forgiveness.  I have been given enough by Jesus.

So now my struggle is how do I keep myself focused on ENOUGH?  How do I remember daily I have enough? Or rather how do I remember daily that Jesus is PLENTY?

The focus is on HIM not me.  He is enough.  He provides.  He loves.  He forgives.  He is plenty.

So I am taking it back old school and creating an acronym that I recite when I forget HE is enough.

P- Perfect
This God-his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.  Psalm 18:30


L-Love
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8


E-Eternal
"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty."  Revelation 1:8


N-Near
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.  Psalm 145:18


T-Timeless Word
The counsel of the LORD stands forever, the plans of his heart to all generations.  Psalm 33:11


Y-Yahweh 
God said to Moses, "I am who I am."  And he said, "Say this to the people of Israel, 'I am has sent me to you.' " Exodus 3:14

Your story is different from mine but I would be bold enough to say that we all struggle with being enough and having enough.  We are all created for a single purpose to honor God and glorify God in all we do.  We are all created with a hole or vacuum or whatever you want to call it.  A longing for God that many times we fill with other stuff---jobs, money, people, fame, success!  But be encouraged God is ENOUGH!

So each day I focus that God is ENOUGH as we go about our way Growing Up on Dublin Lane.