Monday Madness

I am going to start a new weekly post called Monday Madness....well that is unless the madness is too much!  It will be quick look at our week.

1.  Many know that I have a small photography business that I started.  My plans are to keep it small, to enjoy my craft, express my art, and make a little cash stash.  I had my first solo wedding and I spent the first part of this week editing the images.  The bride was beautiful and the wedding stunning so my job was easy.

2.  There is never a lack of laughter in our home.  My hubby is one of the funniest people I know and we could never get through our life without laughter.  One of our focuses lately has been on budgeting.  So this past week we make a quick trip into town for essentials.  I mention we need toilet paper.  John responds "Seriously"  I guess he doesn't realize how much is used in a household of 7 (with 4 ladies)!  I then rant a little that yes we did.  His response "I already try not to use bathroom at home to help save on toilet paper."  I can't complain too much at least he is trying to help with the budget.

3.  Six Flags is probably mine and John's least favorite place.  Long lines, big crowds, and overpriced everything.  But like most our kids love this place and it just happened to be the location of the last cheer competition of the year.  So we packed coolers of snacks and drinks, packed the sunscreen, and loaded up the entire family for the day.  Since we are budget-minded we opted to drive up instead of staying overnight.  Only complicating factor is that we had to be at Six Flags at 7am.  We live 2 1/2 hours away (2 hours with no traffic).  So cheerfully we get up at 4a to make the trek to Six Flags. The kids had a blast.  John and I are still recovering 2 days later.

4.  Softball season has begun.  Technically for us softball never ends as our daughters play on a select softball team but league recently started.  I snapped this photo at a game the other night.  Rikki Rae is catching and Torri is pitching while John sits on the bucket yelling....I mean coaching.  Precious memories!

5.  First Grandbaby...What else is there to say?  Absolutely precious.

Happy Monday!

Enough

I have always dealt with an emptiness-a constant state of regret.  Moving through life feeling as if an opportunity was missed.  I had a great childhood with loving parents and extended family.  I have many fond memories with my cousins and friends.    Never considered the richest but blessed with all we needed and more. So what went wrong?  Why did my view of the world shift?  Why did I never feel enough?  I had plenty of accomplishments in life but they all seem to fall flat.

I haven't shared with many outside of my immediate family the events that occurred in the very beginnings of my memory.  And to protect my privacy (I know seems odd to say as I type a blog the entire world can read) I will not give details but will say these events created a feeling of shame and something was wrong with me at an early age.

So add to the normal teen angst,  feelings of shame and guilt and I walked through high school with a mask.  Rarely revealing who I really was inside.  Fearful to open up and let others see the real me.  And all the while feeling completely and totally isolated.  Oh I could talk a good game. And honestly I do have some great memories from those years. But I had an overwhelming feeling of never been good enough.

As the years passed and I moved into adulthood I began the pursuit of more.  More money.  More kids. More knowledge.  More acceptance.  Just more.  Attempting to fill the void I felt with stuff.  Sadly I was a regular church-going, Jesus-loving Christian.  But even my acceptance into Christ's family was affected by my perspective. I still attempted to perform well for others.

Then a huge shift happened.  My family began to unravel.  Difficulties in our home with our children.  Watching all the love we poured into our children end up not being enough sent me into a tailspin.  Everything I had done wasn't enough.  I felt defeated.  Broken down.  Everything seems futile.  This is when I finally realized what God has been trying to show me from the beginning.

God is enough.  Just him.  Nothing more is needed.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.    2 Corinthians 12:9

I have always had enough.  Enough grace.  Enough joy.  Enough love.  Enough forgiveness.  I have been given enough by Jesus.

So now my struggle is how do I keep myself focused on ENOUGH?  How do I remember daily I have enough? Or rather how do I remember daily that Jesus is PLENTY?

The focus is on HIM not me.  He is enough.  He provides.  He loves.  He forgives.  He is plenty.

So I am taking it back old school and creating an acronym that I recite when I forget HE is enough.

P- Perfect
This God-his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.  Psalm 18:30


L-Love
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8


E-Eternal
"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty."  Revelation 1:8


N-Near
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.  Psalm 145:18


T-Timeless Word
The counsel of the LORD stands forever, the plans of his heart to all generations.  Psalm 33:11


Y-Yahweh 
God said to Moses, "I am who I am."  And he said, "Say this to the people of Israel, 'I am has sent me to you.' " Exodus 3:14

Your story is different from mine but I would be bold enough to say that we all struggle with being enough and having enough.  We are all created for a single purpose to honor God and glorify God in all we do.  We are all created with a hole or vacuum or whatever you want to call it.  A longing for God that many times we fill with other stuff---jobs, money, people, fame, success!  But be encouraged God is ENOUGH!

So each day I focus that God is ENOUGH as we go about our way Growing Up on Dublin Lane.

Not Everyone Gets a Trophy

We had the amazing experience of the NCA Cheer competition in Dallas this past weekend.  For those who don't know, this the Super Bowl of cheer.  This year there were over 26,000 cheerleaders from 7 different countries who arrived to compete. And for those who think cheer is not a sport should take a second look.  The talent was impressive.

Our daughter's team didn't place and this gave us the opportunity to  discuss with our kids competition.  As social media from our friends is flooded with posts and comments, we saw a wide range of emotions and outlooks on the weekend from "being proud" to "so glad the girls had fun".  I am sure this blog will not be favorable to many but....

We were not proud of the performance.  The fact that my kids had a fun weekend did not make it ok.  Now I am not one of those crazed little league parents (well maybe you think I am).  But I don't believe that teaching our kids that it is okay if they don't win as long as they had fun or to be proud when the performance was subpar.  We compete to win...not at all costs but we compete to win.  There is a score.  There is 1st place.  There is a competition.  So how do we handle a situation like this as a parent?  How do we balance unconditional parental love and exposing our kids to the harsh reality they were not good enough?

I can only tell you what we try to convey to our kids:

You cannot be #1 in everything you do.

99.9% of the time there is someone that is better than you.

Hard work doesn't mean you have talent.

Talent doesn't mean you don't need to work hard.

And John's personal favorite:  If your not first you are last.

But we also teach our kids about the source of their value.  It is not in what they have done.  My love for them is not tied to the number of trophies they win, the points they score, or acclaim they achieve.  My acceptance of them is not conditional on winning.

So after this weekend, we didn't tell our daughter we were proud of the performance or that we were happy they had fun.  We didn't talk about what went wrong and how to fix it (we leave that to the coach).  We  talked about how did she practice leading up to the performance?  How did she encourage her teammates?  Did she take responsibility for her contribution (or lack thereof)?  We were able to reinforce how important putting in the work at practice every day was key.  We talked about what does it really mean to be a team.

I want my kids to know that they will lose and they will fail.  I want their failures to push them to be more than they are today.  I want them to understand the value of hard work. I want my kids to know that just because they work hard doesn't mean they deserve to win if the competition is better.  But more than anything I want them to know....

Your value is not summed up in HOW WELL you compete but in HOW you compete. 

I am sure this will not be most folks favorite post but I wanted to share my heart.  As most of my parenting over the years, I live and learn.  I am constantly prompted by God to reconsider my views.  I am forced to continually grow in Christ and as a parent.  This area of my life will be no different Growing Up on Dublin Lane.

Jana

Be My Cranky Valentine

Valentine's Day Or Singles Awareness Day as some of my friends call it is TODAY!!

Valentine means something different for everyone.  For retailers, sales of candy and furry animals.  For kids, parties, valentines, and sweets.  For parents, the rush to find the coolest Valentine ideas for the parties and cards.  For husbands, how to "out do" last year or the latest internet sensation.  For wives, the pining for that special gift to make them feel super special.  For singles, the dread of the social media posting of gifts or the commercials.

I have to admit I have been guilty of this in the past.  This year John planned a night out for Friday night.  We haven't been able to get away much lately so just the escape was an exciting prospect even if for just a few hours.  I was to meet John in Tyler at his job and I was going to be swept away for our date.  I know it doesn't sound romantic but with our lives sometimes practicality is the key to romance.    I was excited for a night away with my sweetheart but when the day arrived I was exhausted.  We had volunteered at an assisted living that morning, finished up the week's school work, and I had worked a few hours at a new job.  I had skipped breakfast and lunch and was running on just a protein shake.  Then add to that our oldest son who is autistic having a rough afternoon.  So to say the least I was exhausted...physically and emotionally.  All I wanted to do was curl up in my comfy bed and sleep.

So our plans altered and John headed home so we could be sure everything was settled.  When he arrives I was relaxing in bed, already eaten a few slices of the kids pizza, and asking if we could just stay home. His answer, No.  Get up and let's go.  So I reluctantly got up and headed out for our date night 2 hours behind schedule.  I must admit I slept on the way to Tyler (I know I know I am such a  great date) and was cranky.  But my sweetheart just kept pouring on the charm.

We opted for a movie since we didn't have time for a dinner and movie.  As we got settled in our seats and I snuggled up to the Hunky Hubby, I took a few deep breaths.  In the absence on the children's requests or the messy house or the endless to do lists, I could find that emotion of love that never leaves but is crowded out by all the other things in my life.  And that is when I realized how great a guy my Valentine is and spending time with him will always be my favorite date option.  Our date wouldn't make the headlines or be used for a Hallmark commercial.  Our love story will never likely be the inspiration for a Lifetime movie.  But it is ours.

So I ramble on to just encourage everyone to make your special someone a priority.  To go on those dates when you are exhausted.  To not retreat into sleep when that is easier.  To not forget why you fell in love.

Happy Valentine's Day from Dublin Lane!

On the Road Again

We have been busy around the Morris household.  Three of our kids participate on a competitive cheer team and our season is in full swing.  This means extra practices and road trips for competitions.

Our last competition was in Ft Worth and because of conflicting activities I was on the road by myself.  I do not like traveling by myself with the kids.  I am a fairly independent and never worried about traveling across the state in my younger years but traveling with the kids gives a different perspective.

So I triple checked we had everything we needed (a cheerleader has a lot to carry to competitions) and off we went.  I entered the address for my destination in my phone and my handy dandy GPS mapped our route.  With Siri commanding my next move, we were on our way.

Now I am old enough to remember the days before GPS.  Early in life we traveled and my parents had the huge atlas that obstructed all view of the road.  I can remember the affectionate conversations between my parents as they navigated the roadways.  Ha!  Later Map Quest came along.  As a home health nurse, I religiously used Map Quest.  I would study the map ahead of time to give me a general idea of my route but always had a print out to reference on the trip.  Now I type in the address and away I go.  No double checking.  No back up method.  I blindly trust that if I follow the steps precisely I will arrive at my destination.  Now more than once I have "arrived at my destination" (use your best Siri voice) to not find my destination.  Siri was wrong.  Despite following the directions precisely the destination was incorrect.

As I traveled I began thinking how easily I trust Siri.  I never question her directions.  I follow along merging and taking turns as prompted.  Yet despite these times of not arrived at my destination as expected, I continue to trust Siri.  So why is it easy to trust Siri but not the road map God has given us?

The Bible is inspired of God, authored by holy men of God who were moved by the Holy Spirit preserve God's words in Scripture.  The entire Bible is without error.  And so designed to give us practical instruction in life to provide us the guidance we need to navigate through life.

You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me.  John 5:39

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.  2 Timothy 3:16

Brothers, the Scripture had to be fulfilled, which the Holy Spirit spoke beforehand but he mouth of David concerning Judas, who became a guide to those who arrested Jesus.  Acts 1:16

So knowing all of this why do we ignore the instructions?  Why do we decide we know the best path to take?


The answer is we are flawed.  From the entrance of sin into the world we have been at odds with God's plan.  Despite our disobedience God provided a way for our eternal salvation....a way to reconcile us to him.



I have many more road trips in my future so I will continue to rely on Siri for directions.  And I know I have the road of life to navigate so as we are Growing Up on Dublin Lane I will continue to follow the map God provided.

Why can't I just have a crystal ball?

I can remember as a child dreaming of my future.  Will I get that sports car?  Who will I marry?  Where will I live?  How many of you remember playing MASH?  You know that game that would predict your future.  Come on now....I know I wasn't the only one.

And I have a little secret...I would repeat the game over and over and if I happened to get the same answer more than once in a game it was true.  My destiny revealed  simply with a few scribbles in a notepad.

If only it was that easy.  Truth is no one knows what the future holds for our time on earth.  And that brings me to the most anxiety producing moment of motherhood.  The moment you realize you have no control over the future of your children.  Sure we raise them to learn the ways of the Lord.  We provide every opportunity for them to see Jesus in color.  To see what it means to be a follower of Christ.  To be able to recognize His voice.  To discern his truths in this chaotic world.  But at a certain point you have to let them find their way.  You have to let them own their faith.  They are not under your salvation but are held accountable for themselves.  And one day you have to let them walk out your door and give up any control you thought you had.

I have faced this shift with our oldest 2 kids.  It was difficult to not feel defeated and powerless.  To reason they weren't ready for the cruel hard world.  To fear I had not done everything I could to prepare them.  And with the arrival of my first grandchild in the next month I realized not only did I have to learn to let my kids (or adults as they like to think) live their lives now I have to let my oldest be a mom.  The mom she chooses to be not the one necessarily I want or the one I was but the one God wants.  

I have to let go.  And letting go is hard.  If blogs could play music on que I would insert a not so well known song "Let It Go" from Disney's Frozen.  Who am I kidding?  Everyone knows that song and can likely sing along with it.  But do we live the words. 

Let. 

It. 

Go.  

It means more than just letting your kids grow up.  It means trusting that God in his infinite wisdom and love really has it under control.  It means accepting the fact that I can't predict the future or control the world around me.  But even more it means acknowledging that God does know the future.  God can control the world around us.  And that God hasn't forgotten you the anxious mother who can't bring her self to stop worrying or fretting.

But in all things God is in control.  So we have to let it go.  Let go of control.  Let go of worry.  Let go of fear.  And hold on to God.

Each kid's faith is his own.  Nothing I do can guarantee my child's salvation. So as we are Growing Up on Dublin Lane I am letting go more and more each day.

Ending with a BANG!

Well New Year's Eve has come and gone!  For the Morris house it was a usual night consisting of early bedtime for Hunky Hubby and I.  We have never been much on New Year celebrations and nothing is better than being snuggled in a warm bed after a long day.  And yesterday was a long day!  We were up and in Tyler by 6:30a for an appointment.  Hunky Hubby did not end his work day until after 8p and I decided to start 2015 off right with a reorganized sewing/craft room the last day of 2014.  Sounds like not such a big deal until you realize that reorganizing one room will result in several rooms being "reorganized".  So my simple one room task resulted in 5 other rooms being included in the project.  The kids were great and with frequent prompting helped out their organized-frantic Mom.  But after 5 hours of moving furniture, reorganizing boxes, and purging I was exhausted.  Seriously though after I finished I was amazed at the amount of "stuff" we had that we did not need or that I even realized we had.  I had over 15 rolls of Christmas wrapping papers and 60+ books that will all be gifted to someone.  I then realized I have 12 sewing/quilting projects in progress and 5 tubs of Tshirts for the kids quilts.  Seriously I think I am ADD!

So when the clock rolled over to 9:30p this lady was ready for her bed so off I went.  Well that was until midnight and then our neighbors fiesta ended with a BANG!  I have never been a fan of fireworks.  Just ask my mom.  I usually enjoy them from the comforts of the house through the living room windows while screaming (okay as I grew up I stopped the crying but I still stay in the house).

So now that it is 2015 I thought I would compile my 2014 Top Ten:

1.  I left my paying gig to focus on a new non-paying gig as a stay at home/homeschooling mom!  An adjustment for sure but I have enjoyed every second of it!

2.  I learned I am going to have a grandson.  We will affectionally be called Lolly & Pop as of Feb 2015!!

3.  I rediscovered my joy of photography and have started a small business.  I have loved this new adventure so far!

4.  I learned that I love the idea of my husband taking care of me.  But more than that, I realized God provides what I need when I need it.  Ms Independent doesn't live here anymore!

5.  I discovered true friendship.  Leaving  my job shifted things (to say the least) and my true friendships lasted.  So thankful for my dear friends who encourage and hold me accountable!

6.  I was reminded how precious life is and we should never take it for granted.  We had several lives end some expected, some unexpected, but all a somber reminder we are never guaranteed tomorrow.

7.  I picked back up sewing.  Well technically I hadn't really stopped all together but I was slow to finish any projects previously.

8.  I removed Facebook from my phone.  Ha!  You may laugh but that saved me an insane amount of data which saved me money.  So THAT made the list!!!

9.  We learned to live on a budget.  We have always been blessed financially so what is a budget?!  My new non-paying gig included financial management on less finances.  Don't get me wrong...my paying gig I understood budgets, productivity, profit margins all to well (I have a MBA just never used that stuff at home.)  I just had to shift a few things at home and we are happily within budget.

10.  I started this blog.  I am still amazed that anyone would care to read about me or our family.  But so many have commented how they enjoy the blog.  So I guess my life is amusing!!

Stay tuned to Growing Up on Dublin Lane to see all our adventures in 2015!